The Bionic Bank Brood

Forgive the alliteration. I couldn’t resist.

My youngest niece turns one today. One year ago, she was spending the night in the NICU struggling for oxygen. This tiny little thing was so delicate and fragile, under the warming lights to help her raise her body temperature.

Except, she wasn’t delicate or fragile. She was a mini-gladiator, and she was having none of it. She is one of the toughest people I've met. And that makes her right at home in our family.

My family is made up of the most amazingly strong people that I know.

My dad just had double knee replacement. Not twelve hours later, he was up walking. And only a couple of days after that, he told everyone that he was going home because he was done with the hospital.

So he arranged for his physical therapy to happen at his home and left the land of the adjustable bed. My mom is now helping him out at home. Which is actually quite an accomplishment for her, considering she had just broken her shoulder and a couple ribs in a fall. They are a badass couple, those two. They are partners through and through, and have set the bar for relationships incredibly high.

Baby Awesome has a big sister, who is equally epic in her own way. This kid knows who she is and what she wants. She is the type of girl that wants a Barbie for her birthday, because she needs to practice her surgery skills. Her favorite toy from this last holiday season was a tool set from some awesome aunt. ;)

All my girls need a tool set.

She is going to be the type of girl that will never take no for an answer. To get her to do something, all you need to do is tell her she can’t. I am pretty sure she will be the first woman… whatever. This one will smash through barriers. In her fabulous cowboy boots.

The mama of these two amazing girls is Dr. Sister, who spends her day taking care of other people’s children. It really amazes me that she dared to have kids at all. I know she has seen some things that would scare me completely away from reproduction. That’s why I will always cut up grapes for her kids.

Dr. Sister has had to shoulder the role of family caretaker. She is the one who checks our ears for infection, talks to our doctors to get details we have missed, and reminds us that a humidifier is kind of a miracle worker. And all I can do for her is occasionally fix her computer. Well, and provide her girls with tools.

Then there is Sister MSW and her two little rock stars. This sister has taken up running—having never run before—and is training for a marathon. Which blows me away. She is not only owning it, but she is doing it to raise money for Leukemia Lymphoma research. And now she is a runner. Like a boss.

Her daughter is absolutely one of my favorite people on Earth. For reasons like this:

She is waiting for her brother to come out of the bathroom.

She is a true artist. Incredibly talented and such a free spirit. And she takes no shit. She is a lot like me. We color outside the lines. We like bright clothes. We love to get messy from painting. We both wear glasses, and meat is our favorite food.

And then there is this guy. 

My Star Wars buddy. He is probably one of the most kind and compassionate people I have ever encountered. He will do most anything to prevent someone else from getting hurt. And that makes him an incredibly strong person. Not many people would take on some unhappiness in order to save someone else from feeling sad.

Everyone needs a hero. This kid is mine. Every day, Captain Kidlet just amazes me.

Sometimes, I feel like I have no more to give. Sometimes I feel defeated. But my family… They are my strength and support. I am so lucky to be a part of this group of warriors.

Oh My God Becky

After two score and one year, I have finally found a sport for which my body is perfectly suited. And I fell ass backwards into it. (Please excuse the pun.) My body is built for Derby.

My thunder thighs? These are Wonder thighs. They are powerful and strong. They can both take a hit and push through a wall of chicks on skates. My ample bum? I will be using it to my advantage. One of the most important defensive moves in Derby is the Booty Block.

For the first time ever in my life, someone said to me “I am so jealous of your butt.”

The whole idea of defensive Derby is to not let the other team’s Jammer pass. The more space you take up, the more you control the pace of the pack, the a bigger pain in the ass (so to speak) you are to the Jammer.

I find it really interesting what is happening to my body. I am following Dr. Sister’s explicit instructions to become as strong as I can in preparation for a time when I will need all the muscle strength I can get. Many people with MS will lose muscle strength as the disease progresses. Better to start out with as much muscle you can get.

And I am building muscle. I have found muscles in my arms that I never knew were there. My jeans, while becoming looser around the waist, are getting tighter in the calves. And the tattoo on my upper thigh is looking different. It has started the transition from being displayed on a relatively stationary thigh to a thigh that is becoming hard and solid. No joke. You can see the progression in the tattoo. It is also seeing the light of day a lot more than it used to.

But more than strength, I am improving my agility and flexibility. My balance gets better every time I put on skates. These things will reap huge rewards. Not only during a scrimmage or a bout, but when that pesky MS rears it’s ugly head in the future.

You know what the greatest thing about Derby is? Every woman—every single one of us—has a body built for Derby. Go ahead. Try to prove me wrong.

The Internet Ruins Everything

I’m a Googler. When Dr. Sister was first talking to me about my MS diagnosis, one of the things that she told me to do was to stay off the Internet. This is why:

Here are the first few headlines on my Google news alert for Multiple Sclerosis. (Yes, I did stay off the Internet. For a good 45 to 50 minutes.)

How Will the Obamacare Out-of-Pocket Cap Delay Affect MS Patients?

Studies have shown that MS has one of the highest associated out-of-pocket expenditures. So this delay means that many MS patients will have to wait another 1-2 years before they see any financial relief or benefit. I am very, very lucky to have great health insurance provided by my employer. Without insurance, my weekly shot would cost me $37,544 a year.

New Study Casts Doubt on CCSVI as the Cause of Multiple Sclerosis

I’m not sure what this story means, except that scientists know a lot about what doesn’t cause MS.

FDA Probes Rare Brain Infection In Patient On Multiple Sclerosis Drug Gilenya

Because there wasn’t enough to worry about.

Then there is this:

Hey Sharon, I know you love your son. And People magazine cover editors, I know you want to sell magazines. But maybe we shouldn’t be perpetuating the myth that MS is fatal. I mean, no more than life is fatal. Wait, maybe Sharon meant she was going to turn Jack into a vampire? I smell some fan fiction!

And this:

Hey, who doesn’t deal with it like that? I know that my equestrian therapy not only eases my symptoms, it boosts the economy by employing my stable mucker. And my lawn has never been greener with all that horse shit. What's that you say Fox News? If we talk about Ann's horses, no one will notice Mitt's politics?

And don’t you love this one?

This was referenced on an MS support website. Doctor Death, the euthanasia guy. On a website about how to support people with MS. Really.

Even my beloved Amazon can betray me. Here is one of their top suggestions for reading up on MS.

Who knew it was that easy to overcome this? What the hell have I been bitching about? The secret to recovery can be found in these pages, and it can be yours for $18.75.

Yeah. Stay off the Internet. Well, except to read my blog.