Sometimes, you can find encouragement and enlightenment in
unexpected places. I heard this quote recently:
“Do stupid shit that’s cool. It helps.”
I know what you are thinking. But no, this quote is not from
the wisdom of the Buddha or the writings of Rene Descartes. I heard this quote
while listening to a podcast.
I love listening to podcasts while I am doing mindless
activates, such as housework or online dating. One of my favorite podcasters is
writer/director Kevin Smith.
I don’t even remember in which of his podcasts he said this.
But I remember hitting the tiny iPhone button that rewinds the audio 15
seconds. I listened to it again, and I wrote it down.
Aside: Do we still rewind when there is no longer any audio
that is actually on tape?
Anyway, I dig Kevin Smith. I admire his writing ability, his
voice. I like that he curses a lot, just like
me. I like how he became a filmmaker. He just decided to be a filmmaker. Then he did it.
In his book Tough Shit,
he writes:
“There’s a trick to being whatever you want to be in life.
It starts with the simple belief that you are what or who you say you are.”
Most of the things I "am" are not because of a calculated
decision on my part. I am technical writing for a living, because the first job I got after
graduating--with a fairly useless communications degree--was writing for the
software industry. It was serendipitous that I found a writing job where I
could be part of an exciting industry. It was also unstable, because that is
how the software industry is. But am I a technical writer? That isn’t what I
want to be in life.
I have an amazing son, which is great. But motherhood happened mostly because that
was just the path that I thought I should take. Being a mom was never something I
dreamed about being as a young girl. I was married, I was approaching 30. I
thought a baby was what was next. I wouldn’t trade that pisser of a kid for anything
in the world. But is a mom who I am?
I’m not sure. Maybe?
I certainly never want to think of myself as sick. I don’t
feel sick. I don’t know what having a chronic illness is supposed to feel like.
But right now, MS is mostly in my head, as well as my brain. I think about it
all the time. It’s never very far away. I know I have to accept the fact
that this is my normal. But I refuse to believe that I am anyone’s patient.
I want to be a Derby Girl. I want to be tough, and strong,
and powerful. I believe I am a Derby Girl. I am terrible at skating. I struggle
with endurance. I still haven’t done that damn crossover. But I am learning and
training. I’m not going to be a Derby Girl. I am a Derby Girl. Believe it.
So do some stupid shit every once in a while. Chase a
dream. Believe in yourself. It helps.
