15 in '15

The end of the year is most often marked by lists. Here is one of my own. I present the 15 most important things I learned this year:

1. There is nothing more important than having the right job for you.

I can not recall another point in my life where I could honestly say that I love my job. I can say it now. This last year, I have worked on projects with powerhouse teams from eBay, HP, Clearlink, and Prudential. I have traveled for work to New York, San Jose, Charlotte, and Seattle. I've received awards and job offers because of my work. I've met some of the best people I have ever had the privilege of working with.

2. Art matters.

Take a moment to look around you. Find something of yours that you love. And take a minute to acknowledge that it would not exist unless some artist pulled it out of a creative brain.


3. But art is really hard sometimes.

I've been working on my book that started as a novel and has evolved into a series of linked short stories. And I am drawing from many of the experiences I have had in my life. It can be really, really painful. But, as I write, I can feel the poison of these hurts leaving me. I can feel these splinters of pain fester out of my body. Sometimes, as I write, it hurts like hell. I can only hope it makes for some good reading.


4. Always have something on your calendar that you are looking forward to.

At this point, my geekness has been very well established. So it will shock none of you that for the past couple months, I had been counting the days until the new Star Wars was released. (Worth the wait! I loved it!)

What's next? Ireland in March!

Life is just a little bit easier when you have something to look forward to.


5. The world is full of injustice.

Gun violence. Police brutality. Bill Cosby. It's been a hard year and a lot of feeling helpless. A lot of guilt for bringing a kid into this chaos.


6. But there really might be a thing to karma.

But then, at--almost literally--the 11th hour, Cosby gets indicted. That nudges at my belief that things really do come around.


7. Sharing something you love with your kid--and having him love it to--it one of the best things about being a parent.

8. And being an aunt is the best job in the world.

9. Lesions happen.

That new on on the right? I've named him Duane.

10. It's an illusion to think you are in control.

But you also can't throw your future into the false idea of predestination. I know, I know. I have no explanation of how both of these thoughts can co-exist. I'm working on it.


11. Beauty and wisdom can appear in surprising places.

This was a birthday card to my son, from his friend Theddus.

It reads:

Happy birthday Nathan. Don't worry about your height. Worry about your heart and how kind it is and your brain and how smart you are. People that judge you about your height will be working for you. God only has things grow until they're perfect. You just got there before me.

I will never achieve that level of writing. Such purpose and heart.

12.  Bad, bad shit happens and no one does much about it.


13. But, despite it all, there is some progress.


14. We are worth so much more than what we settle for. 

Well, most of us, anyway.


15. It's important to believe in magic.

Here's to a 2016 filled with happiness, art, wisdom, and lessons. And maybe just a touch of magic.

Ten Lessons

Sometimes, I just coast. Just complete my daily tasks and rest up to do it again the next day. Brush my teeth, sit through a work meeting, feed something less-than-nutritious to Kidlet, put a dish in the dishwasher. Lather, rinse, repeat.

And coasting is just fine sometimes. Coasting is my favorite part of a bike ride. To coast is to reap the benefits of working up to traveling speed. Coasting lets you gear up for the next big hill you need to climb.

It’s not that life is tedious or mundane (OK, of course it is now and then). It’s just--sometimes--getting out of bed in the morning, having nothing of significance happen during the day, and getting back into bed that evening is something I have to consider a success.

Coasting is great. But this wasn’t a week of coasting. It has been an educational week. I learned a lot. It was a lot of pedaling and shifting gears. Here is what I learned:

Lesson 1: College doesn’t make you smart. And smart people don’t always need college.

I knew this to be true in an academic sense (excuse the pun). But this week, I was schooled (excuse another pun! What is wrong with me!) by a musician, a person that knew a lot about some incredibly interesting things. So deeply thoughtful, so interestingly philosophical, so goddamn creative. The Musician is someone to know.

He doesn’t have a university degree. But he has explored more of this world than 90% of the alumni of any school. He knows things because he has seen things. He has sought things. 

I have known some incredibly educated people in my lifetime. And I have never actually experienced the following strange phenomenon. Not once.

The Musician and I were talking about the origins of the universe. (I don’t do boring date-talk about reality TV or commercially-exploitive sports tournaments.) He was telling me about a stunningly beautiful mapping of the universe.

And that is when the something amazing happened. He was talking about the universe expanding so far and wide that it will--one day--collapse back onto itself, condensing into this tiny, infinitely dense dot of matter. Which, when no longer able to contain its energy, will explode in a big bang--The Big Bang--once again starting the cycle of the universe.

Musician: Every society and every religion that has ever existed on Earth has had this knowledge of recurrence of time. Time repeats.

Me: We will exist in this very life again? Living through these exact events again, and again. Forever. I think Nietzsche referred to time as a flat circle.

Musician: I have no idea. I never read any Nietzsche.

My point is this: The Musician didn’t read a book in a Philosophy 101 class to learn this theory. No one taught him the idea of flat circles or the repetition of time. He just… got there. Under his own power. 

I’m willing to bet that old Friedrich never took Philosophy 101 either.

Aside: I will neither confirm nor deny that the conversation noted above was enhanced by any herbal supplements… The good news is I get to smoke that great stuff again in a few billion years. I mean… you know… if there was something being smoked…

Lesson 2: People in Brazil care about soccer in ways which I believe to be unhealthy. Did you see and that sturm and drang? I mean really. I only cry like that for really important things. Like a performance of The Lion King or when I think about how much money that idiotic Shades of Grey shit made. Well, now I am crying because that terrible writer is going to make all that money all over again in a few billion years.

Lesson 3: Never tell your sister about the Google news alerts you have set up. For some reason, she will mock you for keeping an eye on all things related to Roller Derby, MS, and Atheism. “Really?” she will ask. “You need to see it as soon as news breaks that there is still no proof of God?” Smartass sisters. Sheesh.

Lesson 4: Silver linings are abound.

The next person that tells me to count my blessings is going to get punched in the ear. Be forewarned. Couldn’t be helped. It was predestined when it happened the first time billions of years ago.

I know I am blessed. I know I am lucky. I know that I am not really want for anything. Not really. Clean water comes out of my tap. A roof shelters me from storms. Both my child and I have shoes, vaccines, and education.

And I am thankful. Thankful for my wonderful Kidlet. My (mostly) good health. My job. It actually feels a little perverse and gluttonous to count up all these blessings. But somehow, it feels differently to count silver linings. Maybe it is just the nomenclature of the phrases. Blessings implies something being bestowed. Linings implies something being unearthed.

Blessings are given. Silver linings are earned. To find a silver lining, you have to wade through all the shit. To see the silver lining, you have to process and learn. It is a joy to uncover a beautifully gilded lining, birthed from pain.

Maybe I am splitting hairs. But I think we should all stop counting blessings and start mining for some silver.

Lesson 5: Someone needs to stage a telethon or fun run to raise funds to combat the effects of summer boob sweat.

Lesson 6: Being called “pretty” is a charmingly sweet, endearing compliment. I get adorable, gorgeous, hot. I mean, just look at me with all that boob sweat, for hells sake. Who wouldn't think that was super hot? Being called sexy is great. But when I got called pretty this week… butterflies. (Doesn’t mean you get to stop calling me sexy.)

Sometimes, I catch myself being optimistic and sunny. Which—let’s be honest—is not my baseline condition. This good cheer is often caused by a boy. It is also fair to point out… often when I am feeling dour and cynical… that is also caused by a boy. 

Life can be really confusing. So I will take the butterflies when I can find them.

Lesson 7: Holga makes an iPhone case with photo filters!!! How did I not know this??? 

Holga iPhone 5 lens filter case kit

Lesson 8: There is nothing that isn’t made better with balsamic vinegar. Or pesto. Except maybe ice cream (and the jury is still out about balsamic for that one).

Lesson 9: I really, really hate that I will never again get to read Harry Potter for the first time. Or Bag of Bones. Or To Kill a Mockingbird. But, I love that I will never again have to read Ethan Frome.

I do, however, get to watch my kid read my favorite books for the first time. Kidlet has only this past year discovered that reading can almost be as fun as mindlessly staring at an iPod screen for three hours. After he finished his last book (the one having to do with Zeus’s summer camp for weirdos, or something like that), he asked me what he should read next.

Angels sung. Confetti was tossed. Vodka was drunk. Oh, wait… the vodka part really had nothing to do with it. Moving along…

I had been waiting for that question for ten years. What should he read? What shouldn’t he read? I have a stack of books for him to curl up with. I started him with one of my favorites: The Westing Game. Murder, mystery, puzzles, money. I knew it would be right up his alley. It was so amazing to watch him turn pages of a book that I so love. Now… What next? So many to choose from!

Lesson 10: The greatest feeling in the world is when Kidlet says this: “You are so much funnier than my dad.”

Lessons Learned

Everyone has an event or two in their lives that changes them irreversibly. When that happens, we need to extract the lessons from the pain. Then we heal ourselves and move forward.

Things I will never again give to anyone:

The key to my house

The key to my happiness

The key to my heart

Things I will always give to someone:

My love
My trust

My time

Things I will never hold on to:

Ticket stubs

Hotel room keys

Dried flowers

Resentment

Things I will keep forever:

My scars

My lessons

My dignity

Lessons I've learned:

Everyone deserves a second chance. But not a third.

Loneliness is different than solitude.

If it causes you more pain than happiness, let go.

Never hold on to something that is not holding on to you.

Never let someone else hold on to your happiness. They will drop it. Every single time.

I deserve to find happiness.

Lessons I've taught:

I'm not sure I have taught anything.