A couple of my friends have posted this article on their Facebook
timelines.
Please take a moment of your day and read this article. It
rang so true to me that I wanted to share it with you.
I don’t have cancer. I know my health issues are nowhere
near as difficult or scary as those for people that do have cancer. But, I’ve
certainly been swimming in the thoughts, doubts, and fears in (and because of)
my Swiss-cheese brain. I was diagnosed with MS this last April. In many ways,
nothing in my world has changed. In some ways, everything has changed.
That is why this article captured my imagination. It was
written by physician Lissa Rankin, who interviewed women battling breast
cancer. The thing she discovered is that people who have overcome cancer made a
deliberate decision to live each day like it’s their last.
Here are the ten lessons she learned and the way in which they
spoke to me:
1. Be
unapologetically you.
I’m sarcastic. Opinionated. Thick skinned. Tender hearted. I
have a sharp, dry sense of humor. I’m smart and nerdy. I like tattoos. I like
people who like tattoos. I don’t censor my thoughts very often. But I know the
right time to hold back my opinions (usually).
I wrote a couple posts back about how I need to quit
apologizing. I think this fits into that plan. I am trying to stop vocalizing
apologies. But I also need to stop feeling them. I need to not only stop being
anything less than authentic, but I need to surround myself with people who
love the authentic me.
I’m not sorry. (Except to you, Dad. Sorry about the
tattoos.)
2. Don’t take crap
from people.
I wouldn’t say I’m a people-pleaser in the Oprah sense of
the term. I don’t care if the PTA president doesn’t approve that I have better
things to do than bake for a fundraiser.
But I think I do take more than my share of crap. I don’t
often or loudly defend myself when I am experiencing pain or injustice. I can’t
explain that contradiction in my life. How I will fight to the death for the
people I love. How I will, without caring what people think, call a stranger out
on their shit. But I let some people stomp on me over and over. I have to quit
doing that. And I’m not sure I know how to do that. But I need to figure it
out.
3. Learn to say no.
I actually think I am pretty good at this one. I will say no
to going out to lunch with slightly annoying acquaintances. I can turn down a dinner
date for no other reason other than I just don’t want to put on a bra. I don’t
often get talked into something I don’t want to do. It happens sometimes. But
more often than not, the more someone tries to talk me into something, the more
I dig in my heels.
4. Get angry. Then
get over it.
But this one is harder for me. I tend to hold a grudge. And
the more I care about someone, the longer it takes for me to put away something
when I feel wronged. I really try to put these things behind me. I don’t really
stay angry. Forgiveness is easy for me. Forgetting is near impossible.
Maybe that will be a MS silver lining someday. Maybe this
ridiculous disease could eat through some of these hurtful memories and leave
my vision alone.
5. Don’t obsess about
beauty.
Here is another one I think I have down. I really don’t
worry much about how I look most of the time. Sure, I sometimes wish I was a
beautiful girl with size six hips and green eyes. But most of the time, I
really don’t care. And some of the time, I am happy with the way I look. I have
been told at derby practice that I should never lose my magnificent Blocker
Booty.
I never really feel beautiful. I certainly never obsess
about it. I am vain about some things. I used to love getting eyelash
extensions. I had to give those up both because of the cost and the risk of
infection. I like wearing stylish sunglasses.
I even enjoy a manicure every once in a while. But I never obsess. So I
can check this one off as done.
6. Do it now.
I understand this one completely.
Dr. Rankin says it best, I think: Stop deferring happiness. I’m going to
make sure I stop saying “someday.” I need to find things that make me happy
today. This minute. Right now. I need to fix the parts of my life that are
diminishing my happiness. Ain’t nobody got time for that. All of our clocks are ticking.
Prioritize joy, says the good Dr. Rankin.
7. Say “I love you”
often.
I tell my son I love him at
least once a day. I have certain wonderful friends that I not only show that I
love them, I tell them so. I have to do
better telling my family that I love them. I grew up in a very loving home, but
the “I love you”s didn’t flow very freely. At least, that’s how I remember it.
I knew my parents loved me. But we were not and are not the type of family to
end a phone call with the word love.
The more life experience I get, the harder it is for me to
say “I love you.” Actually, that isn’t quite right. Saying "I love you" is the easy part.
Feeling loving is what gets more and more difficult.
I guess I really am a cynic.
8. Take care of your
body.
This one is a new one for me. I’ve never really treated my
body well. I smoked. I couch-potatoed. I ate poorly. But when Dr. Sister sat me
down and told me that I needed to get my body healthy and strong, I took her
seriously. She said I needed to do it in preparation for the day that I will
need all the health and strength I can get.
So, I am trying really hard to change my habits. I think
this is a pretty big deal for me, since I am still a little mad at my body for
betraying me. Oh wait. I am supposed to get angry and get over it. OK, body.
I’m over it (mostly).
Added bonus: I found Derby.
9. Prioritize freedom
and live like you mean it.
We all have a finite amount of time left. I want to
spend my remaining days—no matter how many there may be—living the best,
happiest life I can.
10. Take risks.
It’s a cliché for a reason. Life is for the living. Do the
thing that you always wanted to. Try the thing that you were always to scared
to try. Learn to make one incredible dessert that you are known for. Find your
favorite drink. Taste the frog legs. See the pyramids. Explore by yourself. And find someone who
you know will explore with you.
Sometime the risk is in not doing something. Sometimes, it
feels risky to stop doing something. Try that too.
The people Dr. Rankin interviewed may hold the key to a
happy life. They know how to capture the beach ball. Here is the difference
between these brave people and the oft-unbrave me. I keep waiting for the beach
ball to find its way over to my side of the pool. These incredible women said,
“Fuck that. I’m jumping in the pool.”
And really, we should all be living like that? Life is
short. Jump in the pool.
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