Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Going in Circles

I'm having a bad week. Not really a week, but at least I'm having a bad last couple days.

Skating on Saturday was difficult on several levels. I missed the team practice due to the birthday party of my favorite 6-year-old. I went to the Derby Depot after the cupcakes, but there were only a couple of us rookies there. And I was exhausted, quickly running out of gas.

I'm frustrated. I feel like I am not improving. At least not fast enough to be satisfied with myself. I think my biggest roadblock is my endurance. I get so tired that I cannot practice a drill until I successfully master it. I feel a bit... defeated.

It seems like there are forces at work that stand in the way of my success. Here is a prime example: I had my afternoon and evening planned yesterday. It began with loading some boxes in the car, installing a new light in my hall, going to work out at the gym, then heading to the Depot to help out with our fundraiser.

None of that happened. As I was loading my car, I somehow hit my head with the door. More specifically, I hit my glasses, which did not break (though it would have been better if they had). The glasses hit my nose and left eye. The pain was intense. Tears instantly spring to my eyes and I dropped to my knees. So now not only does my face look like I went 5 rounds in a title fight, my knee is good and skinned.

Aside--That settles it. I'm getting sports glasses before I ever scrimmage with the team. Luckily, I have some time to save up.

Another aside--Who wears the shiner better? Me or Luke up there? Feel free to let me know.

So, instead of going to work out, I sat on my couch with a bag of frozen peas over half my face and shoving a giant burrito into the other half of it. I topped it of with 3 mini ice cream cones. That is all kind of the opposite of going to the gym.

I'm frustrated. I'm sore. I'm mad at myself for my failing willpower. I am a little worried because I can't quite understand how I hit my face with the car door. And my back is that weird, kind-of-awful-but-not-quite-painful burning sensation.

But, I've got to pick myself up. I need to reset and move forward. Today is a new day. Today I will brave a snowstorm to go to the gym. I will wear my skates around the house, just to feel their wheels under me. I will have a healthy-ish dinner. And I will eat one of the holiday cookies a co-worker has brought in. And I will savor and enjoy it. And I might go back for seconds. Because it is the holidays and Carpe Diem! (Which is old-school YOLO for people who have read more than three books.)

I understand why we need holidays like Thanksgiving. I won't speak for all of us, but I know that sometimes I forget to be thankful. There are many things I am thankful for. My inside-the-house family. My outside-the-house family. My relatively good health. My doctors that are keeping it that way. My shared-parents sisters. My nose-piercing sister. My derby sisters. My son, who tells me that he loves to hear me laugh. And my son for making me laugh.

After all of it, I realize that I am incredibly lucky. And I am beginning to suspect that things may actually happen for a reason. I guess time will tell... For now, I will embrace the random and scale the roadblocks.

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