At least for tonight, I am.
I knew it would happen eventually. And it happened this evening. I had a really shitty skate practice. I absolutely ran out of gas. I was deeply and profoundly exhausted. And my hand has been bothering me for the last couple days. But tonight, I experienced a very unpleasant burning sensation in that hand. Maybe it was because I was feeling overheated. Helmets sure do hold in the heat. Maybe it was because my arm was trussed up like a turkey in my elbow pad and wrist guard. Whatever the reason, I hurt.
And I cried.
I cried because this was the first time I have experienced MS issues since my initial diagnosis. At least, it was the first time I could connect some weirdness in my body with a reason it was happening. I cried because I simply couldn't do what I wanted to be doing. All I wanted was for my body to stay upright on skates for an hour. I really didn't think It was too much to ask. But, alas...
So I cried. I cried from frustration. I cried because I hated this new reality. And I felt very alone. My family was out of town. All the people that I usually lean on were out of reach tonight. Out living their lives.
You know who took care of me tonight? My warrior sisters at the Derby. They encourged me. They made sure I was OK. These wonderful women rubbed my shoulders, sat with me, and made me understand that I needed to listen to my body and take it easy. And they accomplished what I thought was impossible at that moment. They made me feel better. They made me laugh.
I'm very lucky to have this group of ladies in my life.