Friday, August 30, 2013

Kevin Help Us

Sometimes, you can find encouragement and enlightenment in unexpected places. I heard this quote recently:

“Do stupid shit that’s cool. It helps.”

I know what you are thinking. But no, this quote is not from the wisdom of the Buddha or the writings of Rene Descartes. I heard this quote while listening to a podcast.

I love listening to podcasts while I am doing mindless activates, such as housework or online dating. One of my favorite podcasters is writer/director Kevin Smith.

I don’t even remember in which of his podcasts he said this. But I remember hitting the tiny iPhone button that rewinds the audio 15 seconds. I listened to it again, and I wrote it down.

Aside: Do we still rewind when there is no longer any audio that is actually on tape?

Anyway, I dig Kevin Smith. I admire his writing ability, his voice. I like that he curses a lot, just like me. I like how he became a filmmaker. He just decided to be a filmmaker. Then he did it.

In his book Tough Shit, he writes:

“There’s a trick to being whatever you want to be in life. It starts with the simple belief that you are what or who you say you are.”

Most of the things I "am" are not because of a calculated decision on my part. I am technical writing for a living, because the first job I got after graduating--with a fairly useless communications degree--was writing for the software industry. It was serendipitous that I found a writing job where I could be part of an exciting industry. It was also unstable, because that is how the software industry is. But am I a technical writer? That isn’t what I want to be in life.

I have an amazing son, which is great. But motherhood happened mostly because that was just the path that I thought I should take. Being a mom was never something I dreamed about being as a young girl. I was married, I was approaching 30. I thought a baby was what was next. I wouldn’t trade that pisser of a kid for anything in the world. But is a mom who I am?  I’m not sure. Maybe?

I certainly never want to think of myself as sick. I don’t feel sick. I don’t know what having a chronic illness is supposed to feel like. But right now, MS is mostly in my head, as well as my brain. I think about it all the time. It’s never very far away. I know I have to accept the fact that this is my normal. But I refuse to believe that I am anyone’s patient.

I want to be a Derby Girl. I want to be tough, and strong, and powerful. I believe I am a Derby Girl. I am terrible at skating. I struggle with endurance. I still haven’t done that damn crossover. But I am learning and training. I’m not going to be a Derby Girl. I am a Derby Girl. Believe it.

So do some stupid shit every once in a while. Chase a dream. Believe in yourself. It helps.

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